Sunday, October 5, 2008

amidst all of this

amidst my life i sense that i may be longing to be vacant for most of it. i want to be a ghost. andy would like to just travel through his existence barely above the line of existence. just to drift above myself detached from feeling and conflict. people are too much to bear anymore for me. i've felt this even as a young boy and i remember even then that i thought that it was simply a fleeting or transitory fear. i also thought then that being alone would be a horrible thing, now it seems as if i've always been alone. maybe all of us truly are. my intentions here are not to alienate everybody. i just haven't been convinced as of yet that people sincerely relate to one another on a personal level.

sometimes i lay in bed at night and think of all the people that are truly alone. i fear for all of them. i hope that there may be some sort of ultimate reconciliation with humanity at the end of all life. however, it is very doubtful.

oh and here is a new drawing for anyone who still reads this vessel into the abyss we call the internet.

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